The White Whale

Long time no see

About 20 days from my last post. Why …….? Because I’ve had the most eventful almost 20 days of my life. Physically and mentally exhausted. Had a rat enter my house it’s somewhere . However, not sure where. That uncertainty is kind of driving me crazy. Had the most stressful week of my career. I’m seeing my career slip away from my hands and I can do nothing about it. Is this how things end. Who knows lol. Will know more on Wednesday. Participated in a poetry writting competition topic was ‘Shades of Grey ‘.

Shades of grey
The skies are all shades of grey
And it’s hard to see the silver lining
The waters reflect doom and gloom
That conjure up a picture of despair

The shades of grey come to life
And dances her way into the storm
With tides walking to the moon
A scarlet with star tears is born

The shades of grey take up more space
But this time with no trepidation
A loving touch, a gentle kiss
Put Parasomnia to rest forever

When trecking in the mountains

Decided to live at my dad’s house for a few months till I figure shit out. Got a sowing machine and enquired about hair styling and make up classes. Sent my resume out to friends and family to see what my options are. Figured out my finances will be saving for a down payment for a house this year. Joined a prayer group.

Reflection : Sometimes when you think you are drowing actually God is setting you through life to make you stronger.

So yes I did make progress .Just not in the way I imagined it would be. Going through the week with the thought ‘God takes care of his own’. Amen 🙏

Day 1 of 365

Good Morning Everyone!!!! Today I got up more enthusiastic than ever. Got done with my house chores and sat with my planner all ready to make notes on what I needed to get done inorder to crush my goals.

Is it normal to be at a block so early on in the day? However, I knew what was going to make my brain functioning better than ever before.So I wipped together a spread for breakfast. Banana pancakes with maple syrup and a tall glass of coffee along with my trusted bacon and right enough the ideas started flowing in.

Okay so before I get to this let’s get to a quick back story. I started living by my self at the start of this pandemic and got really lonely during the multiple prolonged lockdowns. I thought it would be a good idea to have a house mate. I had an acquaintance reach out to me as she wanted to get her life together and I had my life a lot more together than she did. I felt valued and jumped at the opportunity. Anyway that didn’t end very well and I’m now looking at changing accommodation yet again Yes I’ve changed 5 houses! in the last 2 years and I’ll be on my sixth.

Coming back to topic.I was planning out point 1 that was relates to my career. I made a list of my accomplishments and what I needed to do to get to my goal. What were the skills, what type of work did I need to do. How I could market my self better? Once I had all that together I felt much more together. Writing your goals and creating a map for your self worked out great. It has got me motivated and I’m already reading and applying the stuff I need to do. And I will be refering to this sheet of paper at the start of everyday

1.Going through job posting of similar jobs like the one I’m looking for and breeze through the skill set and type of experience required

2. If I don’t fulfill a particular skill set, learn the skill

3.Spend more time building rapport within the senior leadership and speak about my accomplishments

4. Start building relations with those teams I want to be a part of. See if I can get to be a part of temporary projects

Also I already got started towards my goal of getting more spiritual as a friend of mine Chrystal( back story on another day ). Got me added to a group of young women who are in search of that spiritual enlightenment and working towards reaching the path of inner peace.

Good day!!!! Speak to you all tomorrow

-June 5th 2021

New beginnings

After multiple failed attempts at starting over and getting hold of my life which almost felt like my magnificent creature, the White Whale (used metaphorically to describe something that is considered to be unattainable).

However, this time more determined than ever and focused to work on my strengths and to get what I wanted to achieve. But what was it that i was running so fast towards ?what was it that i actually wanted from this life? a life that gets over in the blink of an eye. They say that your entire life flashes in front of you in the last 7 seconds of your life. What was it that i wanted to see? What was it that I wanted to be remembered for ?What was the legacy that i wanted to leave behind?Did I want to live the life of the ordinary ? That’s something I never have had to think about. I’ve never been a naturally gifted person but what I did have was optimism. Optimism that I knew how to make things right (I always did) . There is no one path to success. You just need to identify what is the path ment for you.

I had always worked in fear. Fear of failure, fear of coming last, fear of the unknown, fear of what will people think. but who are these people ?do they even matter ?When I was drowning how many of these people came to save me? The answer is not many . Also I had nothing to lose. In the pervious year I lost family, friends, my will,my drive and my peace of mind.

So yes coming back to topic I was going to do what I do best to get my life on track and strike back harder than before and that strength was that I was going to Plan, analyse and work slowly towards my goals. Focusing on my self and through my self everyone else. Everyone else that I could be there for and help pick up .

So I made a list of the top 5 things I wanted and they were :

1. That promotion I had been working so hard for but now seemed uncertain . I wanted to change domain and gain that at the same time.A domain that I had no working experience in. Was I asking for too much? Only time will tell

2. The next was starting my own business. I’ve always known I would start a business some day I knew what I wanted it to be. However, the last year had drained me to such an extent that I had no will to work on anything new

3. I wanted to nourish my soul, sprit, mind and body. (What was I going to do to achieve that? I have no clue at this point

4. Build experiences, travel, meet new people , record these experiences and share them with the world. This was going to be a lot of planning

5. Was going to be the most difficult and that was save money (save for that house, car, that new phone, camera, doing up the house all of this) it was going to take more than planning and sacrifice. It was going to take laser like focus on my path to achieve this one.

So this is what I have planned for the next 365 days. No it’s not the new year but who said we can only make resolutions in the new year. My new beginning was going to be July 4th 2021